Leaving on a Jet plane

Well here I am, three days away from flying to Europe. Both Jane and I are beyond excited to get out and do something and get away from all the crazy stuff going on.

I have butterflies! I'm not really sure why. I think I'm just excited. I need to be around friends.

Don't get me wrong, I love every moment I get to spend with Deric, but with everything that has gone on since the wedding, it'll be nice to hang out with the boys & Jane. I'm also excited to meet a billion new people!

We don't really have a lot planned out. It's kinda driving myself and Jane nuts as we're both clearly planners. We have a list of stuff we want to see, but no days selected for when we'll do them. oh well. We'll work it out when we get there I guess. Ort is on vacation this week in southern France. I'm jealous. I'm glad he was able to get away though.

I'm all packed, well mostly. Just minor things left to add in (makeup, straightener ect..). I'm glad I got it out of the way so I don't need to rush and try and get it done. Friday afternoon I need to go pick up my Euros from the bank, and then Saturday in the late morning Deric and I are going for lunch. I need to be at the airport by 1:30 though so that sucks.

A huge hurricane is making it's way up the east coast right now. It's suppose to hit the Boston area on Saturday afternoon, so hopefully my flight doesn't get delayed or anything. It looks though, like flights from Chicago to Belgium go through Ontario so it's a bit higher up.

So I guess my next post will be when I get back. Tons to tell I'm sure, so keep an eye out for that! Until then, fb for photos, as well as twitter.

Goodbye America! See you in a few weeks!

I hate packing :(

Although we have a week and a half (EEEK!) until we leave, I always find myself making lists well a head of time to plan for trips. I hate forgetting things. Usually many weeks out, I make a list of everything that I'm going to need. Every.single.thing. Then two weeks out, I start tossing more and more things in a pile in the dining room. Stuff that I don't wear or use all the time, but that I want to bring with me.

So I've been doing that for about a week now, and it was starting to take over my dining room, so I decided to just put the main things in the bag (and of course, I'll re-pack next week when I have everything ready to go). I can already see it's going to be a struggle to pack. I'm bringing OrT Mountain Dew, since they don't have it in Belgium (or anywhere in Europe for that matter) and I guess he loves it. I have to bring his friend shoes he ordered that I've had forever, and a few gifts.

So all of that alone takes up so much room. Originally, I was going to bring my big main suitcase, a small, rolling carry on and then see if I can get away with my lulu bag being my "personal item". I'm not sure if it's going to work just yet. I think they might say that the lulu bag is too big. I'm hoping that if I don't pack it too full, I might be able to bring it. We'll see I guess once I get everything in my suitcase. I would really love it if I didn't need my other rolling case. It's going to be such a pain in the ass to carry it all by myself.

I've been trying to curl my hair lately. At night, I've been putting them in rollers and blow drying them. It's been turning out great, but it's such a pain in the ass. I wish I could do what Jane does, and wake up like that. Oh well. Hopefully I can train my hair a bit better so that it's easier.

So that's about it really. School is starting soon - I'm so nervous for the next semester. I want to stay on the Dean's list! Oh and my application is pending for my greencard right now. I'm hoping to hear something very soon. I went and did my fingerprints two weeks ago now I think? I would love to hear something before I left.

Both Jane and I are beyond excited for our trip! I feel like this summer flew by. I don't even remember what happened in July at all. I can't believe 2011 is moving into the last few months.

My dad was right - once you hit your late 20's, everything moves super quick!

I'm a fish, I'm a fish.

Yesterday D and I went to his annual work party at the local water park. Him and I usually go tons throughout the summer as it's only a few moments away from the house, and is a great night after he works all day.

It was fairly chilly, but it didn't stop me from running into the wave pool after lunch and after getting use to the temperature, we ventured out to the six foot depth and waited for the waves to be turned on. I often go out this deep but most of the younger kids at the park won't head out that fair, and no one will be thrown into you as you ride the waves around.

When the waves started, I found myself so relaxed as I have much experience in the water. I love it. I would live in it if I could. Deric can swim, although not as well I can. And once the waves got going he had to retreat to the 5'5 depth because wave after wave kept going over his head. Even before the waves started, we were floating in the water, he had to tread water to keep himself up. It was so effortless for me. I never really noticed myself having to do much to keep myself above the water. Even going under the water, he has to plug his nose. I can easily go under without having to do that, and I can open my eyes easily too.

So after, we discussed swimming lessons an how I attended them for over ten years. He had not. In fact, except for football he had never taken any sort of lessons or gone to any type of summer camp. It surprised me, because that's all I did when I was young.

I started to think last night about all the different things when I was young, and I was spoiled! I never thought about it before, because everyone around me did the same thing. I thought it was normal for most young kids to take lessons or attend camp in the summer.

Here is the complete list of things I did as a child

- Swimming Lessons (10+ years)

- Skating Lessons ( 4 + years)

- Summer Camp ( I did this multiple years, different kinds)

- Brownies & Girl Guides

- Dance Lessons

- Reading Club

- Ballet

- Tennis

- Karate

- Craft Classes

- Gymnastics

- Babysitting courses

- cpr/first aid classes

I'm 100% sure that I am forgetting some, but those were the main ones. I taught lessons too.

So it was interesting to see that not everyone does (or has the same chances) to experience these types of things when growing up. Although D and I currently do not plan on ever having children (right now away), I would want any we did have to experience the same things I did. I'm so happy I can swim well (I use to swim across the lake when we went camping, it was awesome!).

D calls me a fish all the time, so I can help but hear "I'm a fish, I'm a fish" everytime I swim now.

It would change your life

I had a dream last night that I won the lottery. Of course, I've had this dream many times before but never in this detail. It went from before I won, to months after. It was kinda cool to see what my subconscious would come up with for what I would do if I DID win.

So it got me thinking this morning over breakfast - what WOULD I do if I won?

1) Go into hiding

No really, I would pack up things that I needed to keep (photos + other items) and ship them to my parents house. I would then, go to a hotel in an unnamed city until my father could set up a corporation to claim the money. I would try and avoid my name getting out there as someone who has won. Obviously, the changes in my lifestyle would key people who are in my life into what was going on, but random strangers - hopefully not.

2) Discussion

Deric and I would spend a lot of time discussing what type of life we'd want to live. Do we want to open our own business? It wouldn't be something we could come to easily, and most likey would sit on it for a year. But the small things we could think about. Where would our home base now be? Would we buy a house? Build one. So many choices and options.

3) V-A-C-A-T-I-O-N

Italy? Spain? Somewhere hot like that! I'd rent a boat. A beach house. Fly first class. I would bring important people with me so that they could share the amazing experiences that money could buy. I would hire a chef to cook for us. Drive around nice cars. Be driven around. Visit some of the most beautiful places in the world. I'd hire a photographer to follow us around so that I could remember every single moment of it. I'd buy myself gear too. So many places that I would want to visit that it would be hard to decide where to go first. No matter what though, I would do it with D, and some close friends :)

4) Giving Back

So many amazing organizations that I'd love to give money to - and I would! I'd give back to my family. Finally allow my father to retire and live his dream - retire at a nice cottage in northern Ontario with my mother and dog. I'd leave my brothers money, but make sure they finish college first before they could touch it. I'd give money to some people who I know deserve it. Friends who have been there for me. Friends who I'd love to see live their dreams.

5) Remaining the same

Obviously winning something like the lottery is a life changer. No matter what, everyone would change slightly but you don't need to change the person you are. I wouldn't be "too good" to visit and talk with all friends. To attend important events in their lives. Or not call them when they needed to talk. I think it's a lot harder, but you shouldn't let something like money affect the person you are. Money can't hug you back. (unless of course, you buy one.)

It would be a great experience to win the lottery, but the chance of it happening is zero. Although D and I play it sometimes, I don't even believe that I would win. I guess neither do people who actually do win, so who knows what could happen.

One thing is for sure - I have better chance then those who don't! :)

Relationships are hard work

It seems lately as though everyone is having difficulty in their relationships.

All my friends are having difficulties with their boyfriends or girlfriends. Fighting over things they shouldn't. Not talking to each other about issues and pretending like they will just go away over time.

One thing I learned from my previous relationship with J, is that things just don't go away and people do not change. By the time you're in your mid-twenties, you generally have established yourself as a person (although, some don't and that's okay). Most will treat each relationship they are in the same way, so no matter which person they are with nothing will change ever. You'll find it hard pressed to find someone who does, although I know it can happen.

So with J, the biggest key in our downfall was a lack of real communication. We never talked - ever. When we did, or I should say *I* did, I never got the point. I never directly told him what my issues were because I was terrified he would get mad at me and want to break up. Eventually, because I never got the answers I needed out of him, I went else where and in the end the lack of communication caused us to break up. Although he most likely never saw it like that, it's really what it was. Over the seven years we were off and on, I tried many times to let him know that I wasn't happy and he never did anything about it. The final attempt was July 2005 on a camping trip. I told him that if he didn't help me repair what was broken, we wouldn't last the year. And we didn't.

Before Deric and I got serious, I really talked to him a lot about the things that would need in the relationship in order for me to know that he was serious, and that would help make it last. I feel that without this conversation, we never would have been able to proceed the way we did and I would have most likely fallen back into my old ways of not being able to open up the way I needed to.

So here are the things I follow with D that makes our relationship so great. Although we've disagreed on things, that's very normal for anyone. But we've never screamed and yelled at each other ever.

1) Communication - Biggest factor in a great relationship. If you can't open up to someone and share how you are feeling about everything and anything, then that person is not for you. The change I found in myself with D vs J was insane. Right off the bat I could tell D anything. I was never afraid of what he might think or say because I knew no matter what, it would work out. You also need to respect the other person because if they come to you to talk to you, it may be about something they find difficult to bring up. Being a good listener plays a huge part in that.

One thing D and I always find time to do is sit down and make sure that neither of us have an issue to discuss. Often we may find something minor that isn't bad, but something that should be brought up or questioned. It's really nice to know that we can do this.

And no matter what, we never leave an issue unsolved. We never go to bed angry - EVER. If we're having a disagreement or anything, we stay up and discuss it. It does no good for it to continue on for the entire day.

2) Honesty - Clearly it's as easy as it sounds. Don't lie. If you feel the need to lie about anything, then question why you are in this relationship.

3) Trust - If you can't trust your partner, then there's a problem. You know you're in a good relationship when you don't worry about the other cheating on you. The thought never even crosses your mind.

Many men (or even women) will be very nervous about allowing their partner to go to another country to see a member of the opposite sex, and even stay in their home. Deric has not one issue about me going to Europe. Not a single problem. He trusts me. He knows that I love him, and I would never do anything to hurt him.

4) Being able to Forgive - Everyone makes mistakes. Large or small, it happens at one time or another. There may be a time where something may happen, and you will need to forgive your partner.

5) Time management - Everyone needs time to themselves. You need to be able to be happy on your own before you can be in a healthy relationship. I consider my marriage the "icing on the cake" you can say, in the life that I have made for myself. I never really understood that until I broke up with J, but I learned it quickly after we broke up, and helped make it my own reality over the last few years.

Although everyone needs time to themselves, it's important to make dates with your partner. D and I alternate who chooses what we do for date night. Sometimes it's dinner, sometimes it's a movie. So many different things you can choose from. Regardless, it helps us get out of the house and spend more time together. *I* of all people know what the internet (and video games) can do to a relationship, so I refused to let that happen this time with D.

I still feel the exact same way about him as I did over five years ago. It's wonderful to be able to have those same feelings for him. I've learned that relationships are hard work. Although I find this relationship a lot easier to maintain then previous ones, it doesn't change the fact that I still work at it each day. And D does too. Every single day, the first thing he does when he sees me after work is kiss my hand. I can't even tell you how romantic I think that is. I never asked him to do it, but he does.

I'm so very glad I was able to find someone who adores me as much as I adore them. It's such a wonderful feeling, and I hope that everyone can experience it one day.

A little taste of Europe

So in three short weeks, I'll be heading to Belgium for two glorious weeks.

I'm beyond excited that I can do something fun like this, right before a extremely stressful semester of school starts. Although Deric and I plan on going next May, I thought it would be nice to head there this summer to see Bram play at a giant gig in early September. It's something we've both talked about me attending for years, so it'll be great.

When I first started to seriously think about going, I knew it would be great to go alone because obviously I know Bram and Rudolf well, and I speak to a few other of Bram's friends, but I just thought it would be nice to invite a friend along. Of course Jane pops into my head as we had become so close (well, even more so over the last month or so). I'm so glad she accepted, and that I'll have a friend there with me.

It's really a huge deal for me to invite someone actually. I've hidden my relationship with Bram away from a lot of my friends, because I didn't want anything to come between it. I liked that I could talk to Bram, and know that my other friends wouldn't get involved in posts or convos I had him with.

So anyway, lots of fun stuff planned. A festival or two, dinner with Bram's dad and I'm sure dinner with his friends as well. Lots of awesome tourist things to visit, and hopefully a day or two down in paris. It's not too far from Bram's house so hopefully we have time for it. I know it's something that Jane really wants to see if possible. And King Tut!! The King Tut stuff will be in Brussels while we're there, and I've been DYING to see it. Hopefully we get a chance for that too!

I guess that's about really. We're not planning out too much, and will just see where it goes when we get there. I depart here on the 27th at 3pm, and then fly to Chicago and depart there at 6pm for my nice 8.5 hour to Belgium. I arrive the next day at 2:30am my time, but really it'll be 9:30 already. Hopefully I'm not too tired. I usually recover quickly from time changes, but we'll see! It may not hit me for a day or two. The next morning bright and early (8:30am!) we have to head to Brussels to get Jane from the airport. I have no idea what we'll do then, but I'm sure we'll have a fun day.

Three more weeks!

A little bit of distance in friendship

I've always questioned what friendship means as I've experienced so many different relationships with my friends. Mostly negative. Too many who lie, and back stab you for their own vicious reasons. I felt that I finally had a great group around me, but during the last two months my friendships have been tested over and over, and have not survived. During this time, I've evaluated what it really means to have a friend, and what one should hope to get from a friendship. Support? Understanding? Love? A shoulder to cry on?

Over ten years ago , I was shown a video. It was when viral videos were first out, and Napster was the best way to get music.

That video can be seen here

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p1h2RSSMRcU&list=UU61Uk7WTswew

So after that video went viral, and everyone loved it, I decided to join their website forums and praise them for it. June and I use to watch it over and over and just die laughing. So finally, I contacted one of the guys in the video - OrT. It was quite hilarious that he replied, and for some reason a friendship just grew from there.

Ten years later, we had remained what I consider very good and close friends, and finally, we met for the first time in Toronto when he flew all the way from Belgium to attend my wedding in June 2011.

It was such a fantastic (and too short!) of an experience, but one that neither of us will forget. I won't ever lie and say that meeting him wasn't one of the most awkward moments of our friendship - because it was. But within a short time, it was like we were sitting at home and talking on Skype like we had done so many times before.

Before he came to Toronto, I wasn't really sure what our friendship meant to him. It's so hard to judge someone until you meet them in person. I knew that his friendship meant tons to me, and more than I could ever explain to anyone. He had helped me get through so many difficult times in my life, and just talking to me sometimes made it better. He always knows how to get someone to laugh.

But after Toronto, I know that it means a lot. I don't think anyone would just fly half way across the world to be there for someone on one of the most important days in their life, unless it didn't.

Was he supportive? You bet. He did everything he could the two days before the wedding to help me. Understanding? Yup. I acted so crazy and so stressed out those two days. Love? I absolutely felt loved by this man. The kind words he spoke at the wedding, and having him stand up there with Deric and I during our vows showed me it. A shoulder to cry on? He did this too. His last night in Toronto he let me do that. He said the right words to make me feel better about the situation, and of course had to add the humor into it. It was just the thing I needed to feel better.

So I guess what I mostly thought about over the last two months, was that if Bram could do all of things for me after meeting me a mere few days before, then why couldn't my other friends? Did I not deserve it from them? I never did anything to think that I didn't.

Those things he did for me during that one week, that first week we had met in person, showed me that you never need to be around someone to be their friend. You don't need to be in person to show someone that you care. To understand what they are feeling. To support them in what they're going through. To love them as a friend, and to be a shoulder to cry on.

I hope one day that the friendships I've lost over the last two months can be repaired, but I'm not in the drivers seat for that. I'm sitting the back seat waiting, and seeing what will become of them. I do know one thing for sure - that I will spend no more tears on something I have no control over, and that I do have friends who love and care for me.

For now though, I'm not sure I'll ever be able to thank Bram enough for his friendship. I couldn't at the wedding, and I can't now. It means so much to me, and I'll never stop appreciating it. I love him, and I can't wait to have a glass of wine in a few weeks and put everything I've been going through behind me.