2011 in review - part one

Clearly, school took over my life and I was unable to continue my journal entries. So much has happened in the last 5 month that I want to talk about, but I'll leave it until next week. For now, I'm going to start with my review of 2011. The first, being part of the yearly journal I do. I'm not posting it all, but this is what I was able to pull from it that I wanted to post.

Marriage

The wedding finally happened this year, after many years of planning. It was successful, and unforgettable. Although the concept of marriage can be defined easily by most, it’s quite nice to make our own set of rules in our relationship. According to most, we should have been settling down and popping out a baby by now. I’m glad that we laid out a strong foundation for our marriage over the last few years, and have no plans to let anyone else influence it, and cause us to deviate from what we truly want. We’re both happy, and things couldn’t be better. This year has strengthened my love for him even  more. I am so lucky to have him in my life.

Friendship

I learned many lessons this year, and had a lot of unique experiences. The most important one was learning how valuable friendship is. People take it for granted, and I sure did. It’s easy to do. I’ve learned that you need to work at friendships, just like relationships. People who are there for you no matter what, through the bad times and the good are the ones to hold onto. They call you when they know you’re upset, to make sure you’re okay and make you laugh. My friends, the ones who did this and helped me this year will have my never ending gratitude. You know who you are, and you should know what you mean to me.  If you don’t – I love you. I’ll never be able to tell you how much you mean to me, and how grateful I am for having you in my life.

On the same note of friendship, this year became a huge milestone in my friendship with someone who I’ve known for over ten years. This was the year I got to meet Bram for the first time.

It was an experience that neither of us will ever forget. It was, in the words of Bram “surreal”. I’ll never forget that awkward few moments at the airport when I hid behind a tall pillar waiting for him to emerge. It was a crazy, awesome moment that makes me laugh every time I remember it. The photo above was taken less than 5 minutes after meeting.  Many believed it was crazy we had never met before June, but we just never had the chance to.  Our friendship is quite unexplainable, and we’re both quite content with that.  I really got to understand the value of my friendship with him this year, and appreciate it more than I’ll ever be able to explain to him.  I was ecstatic that he attended, and was involved in one of the most important events I’ll ever have. The week he was in Toronto was one of the best of my life, and I don’t think either of us will forget it or the memories we made during it.  

So thank you Bram, for everything you’ve done for me, and for putting up with my overdramatic, ridiculous, never ending talking butt all these years! Thank you being one of my greatest friends.

New Experiences

2011 brought a long awaited adventure – I finally visited Bram in Europe. It was a spur of the moment decision that came in June, and within days I was booked on a trip for two weeks with the fabulous Jane.  We anticipated it all summer, and when we finally got there we weren’t let down. The two weeks flew by, but we had the time of our lives. We met great new people, ate tons of delicious food and had tons of new experiences. I learned more on that trip, that I had in the last year and I couldn’t believe how opened my eyes became to things. I think I also became closer with Jane, and I love her to pieces for not only coming with me, but for being someone who listens to my garbage and puts up with it more than anyone else. I love you darling.

The Future

I’m hoping in 2012 to mostly have new experiences, and to continue to grow into a future educator. The knowledge gained this year about being one, has helped me see things in a new light, and I can’t wait to put a lot of them into practice during my teaching experiences this year. I also  cannot wait to visit Ireland in May with Deric, and hopefully visit Belgium again as well.  I'll also be spending the holidays with my family and friends, and as always look forward to that. I hope 2012 will be a great year.

Coming up tomorrow: 2011 review with photos

Relationships are hard work

It seems lately as though everyone is having difficulty in their relationships.

All my friends are having difficulties with their boyfriends or girlfriends. Fighting over things they shouldn't. Not talking to each other about issues and pretending like they will just go away over time.

One thing I learned from my previous relationship with J, is that things just don't go away and people do not change. By the time you're in your mid-twenties, you generally have established yourself as a person (although, some don't and that's okay). Most will treat each relationship they are in the same way, so no matter which person they are with nothing will change ever. You'll find it hard pressed to find someone who does, although I know it can happen.

So with J, the biggest key in our downfall was a lack of real communication. We never talked - ever. When we did, or I should say *I* did, I never got the point. I never directly told him what my issues were because I was terrified he would get mad at me and want to break up. Eventually, because I never got the answers I needed out of him, I went else where and in the end the lack of communication caused us to break up. Although he most likely never saw it like that, it's really what it was. Over the seven years we were off and on, I tried many times to let him know that I wasn't happy and he never did anything about it. The final attempt was July 2005 on a camping trip. I told him that if he didn't help me repair what was broken, we wouldn't last the year. And we didn't.

Before Deric and I got serious, I really talked to him a lot about the things that would need in the relationship in order for me to know that he was serious, and that would help make it last. I feel that without this conversation, we never would have been able to proceed the way we did and I would have most likely fallen back into my old ways of not being able to open up the way I needed to.

So here are the things I follow with D that makes our relationship so great. Although we've disagreed on things, that's very normal for anyone. But we've never screamed and yelled at each other ever.

1) Communication - Biggest factor in a great relationship. If you can't open up to someone and share how you are feeling about everything and anything, then that person is not for you. The change I found in myself with D vs J was insane. Right off the bat I could tell D anything. I was never afraid of what he might think or say because I knew no matter what, it would work out. You also need to respect the other person because if they come to you to talk to you, it may be about something they find difficult to bring up. Being a good listener plays a huge part in that.

One thing D and I always find time to do is sit down and make sure that neither of us have an issue to discuss. Often we may find something minor that isn't bad, but something that should be brought up or questioned. It's really nice to know that we can do this.

And no matter what, we never leave an issue unsolved. We never go to bed angry - EVER. If we're having a disagreement or anything, we stay up and discuss it. It does no good for it to continue on for the entire day.

2) Honesty - Clearly it's as easy as it sounds. Don't lie. If you feel the need to lie about anything, then question why you are in this relationship.

3) Trust - If you can't trust your partner, then there's a problem. You know you're in a good relationship when you don't worry about the other cheating on you. The thought never even crosses your mind.

Many men (or even women) will be very nervous about allowing their partner to go to another country to see a member of the opposite sex, and even stay in their home. Deric has not one issue about me going to Europe. Not a single problem. He trusts me. He knows that I love him, and I would never do anything to hurt him.

4) Being able to Forgive - Everyone makes mistakes. Large or small, it happens at one time or another. There may be a time where something may happen, and you will need to forgive your partner.

5) Time management - Everyone needs time to themselves. You need to be able to be happy on your own before you can be in a healthy relationship. I consider my marriage the "icing on the cake" you can say, in the life that I have made for myself. I never really understood that until I broke up with J, but I learned it quickly after we broke up, and helped make it my own reality over the last few years.

Although everyone needs time to themselves, it's important to make dates with your partner. D and I alternate who chooses what we do for date night. Sometimes it's dinner, sometimes it's a movie. So many different things you can choose from. Regardless, it helps us get out of the house and spend more time together. *I* of all people know what the internet (and video games) can do to a relationship, so I refused to let that happen this time with D.

I still feel the exact same way about him as I did over five years ago. It's wonderful to be able to have those same feelings for him. I've learned that relationships are hard work. Although I find this relationship a lot easier to maintain then previous ones, it doesn't change the fact that I still work at it each day. And D does too. Every single day, the first thing he does when he sees me after work is kiss my hand. I can't even tell you how romantic I think that is. I never asked him to do it, but he does.

I'm so very glad I was able to find someone who adores me as much as I adore them. It's such a wonderful feeling, and I hope that everyone can experience it one day.