I've always questioned what friendship means as I've experienced so many different relationships with my friends. Mostly negative. Too many who lie, and back stab you for their own vicious reasons. I felt that I finally had a great group around me, but during the last two months my friendships have been tested over and over, and have not survived. During this time, I've evaluated what it really means to have a friend, and what one should hope to get from a friendship. Support? Understanding? Love? A shoulder to cry on?
Over ten years ago , I was shown a video. It was when viral videos were first out, and Napster was the best way to get music.
That video can be seen here
So after that video went viral, and everyone loved it, I decided to join their website forums and praise them for it. June and I use to watch it over and over and just die laughing. So finally, I contacted one of the guys in the video - OrT. It was quite hilarious that he replied, and for some reason a friendship just grew from there.
Ten years later, we had remained what I consider very good and close friends, and finally, we met for the first time in Toronto when he flew all the way from Belgium to attend my wedding in June 2011.
It was such a fantastic (and too short!) of an experience, but one that neither of us will forget. I won't ever lie and say that meeting him wasn't one of the most awkward moments of our friendship - because it was. But within a short time, it was like we were sitting at home and talking on Skype like we had done so many times before.
Before he came to Toronto, I wasn't really sure what our friendship meant to him. It's so hard to judge someone until you meet them in person. I knew that his friendship meant tons to me, and more than I could ever explain to anyone. He had helped me get through so many difficult times in my life, and just talking to me sometimes made it better. He always knows how to get someone to laugh.
But after Toronto, I know that it means a lot. I don't think anyone would just fly half way across the world to be there for someone on one of the most important days in their life, unless it didn't.
Was he supportive? You bet. He did everything he could the two days before the wedding to help me. Understanding? Yup. I acted so crazy and so stressed out those two days. Love? I absolutely felt loved by this man. The kind words he spoke at the wedding, and having him stand up there with Deric and I during our vows showed me it. A shoulder to cry on? He did this too. His last night in Toronto he let me do that. He said the right words to make me feel better about the situation, and of course had to add the humor into it. It was just the thing I needed to feel better.
So I guess what I mostly thought about over the last two months, was that if Bram could do all of things for me after meeting me a mere few days before, then why couldn't my other friends? Did I not deserve it from them? I never did anything to think that I didn't.
Those things he did for me during that one week, that first week we had met in person, showed me that you never need to be around someone to be their friend. You don't need to be in person to show someone that you care. To understand what they are feeling. To support them in what they're going through. To love them as a friend, and to be a shoulder to cry on.
I hope one day that the friendships I've lost over the last two months can be repaired, but I'm not in the drivers seat for that. I'm sitting the back seat waiting, and seeing what will become of them. I do know one thing for sure - that I will spend no more tears on something I have no control over, and that I do have friends who love and care for me.
For now though, I'm not sure I'll ever be able to thank Bram enough for his friendship. I couldn't at the wedding, and I can't now. It means so much to me, and I'll never stop appreciating it. I love him, and I can't wait to have a glass of wine in a few weeks and put everything I've been going through behind me.
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